What Would it Take for Me to Reconcile with My Estranged Family?

If you’ve been following my journey, you’ll know that I’m estranged from my family. Many people have asked what would it take for me to reconcile with them. And honestly, the answer is simple. It would take my parents to say one thing:

"Oh my gosh, Chess, we got it wrong. We were misinformed, or we misinterpreted what happened. We were wrong, and we can see your perspective. We’re sorry, and we’d like to move forward."

That’s it. That’s all it would take. If they could say this—whether in person or in writing—I’d be open to moving forward.

Why This Simple Solution Might Never Happen

But, if it’s so simple, why don’t I think it’s going to happen? The issue isn’t in the words—it’s the meaning, tone, and sentiment behind them. It would need to be heartfelt, real, and grounded in genuine love and connection. My parents would need to come from a place of wanting to connect as human beings, not as people holding onto old roles or past hurts.

Sadly, I’ve never heard anything like that from them. I’ve never felt a genuine desire for connection based on mutual respect and understanding. Instead, there’s always been this unspoken expectation that I fit into their vision of how things should be.

The Real Block to Reconciliation

The truth is, reconciliation requires my parents to want a relationship with me more than they need to be "right" about their view of our past. They’ve committed to their stance over certain events, and I don’t think they feel they could back out. They’re firm in their narrative, and I can’t accept the terms they’ve set for us to reconnect. It’s not just a matter of words—it’s about how deep the emotional disconnect runs.

My path of estrangement has led me to acceptance that we may never reconcile.

Perhaps some of you are wondering, if it’s that simple, why don’t I reconcile anyway? Why hold out for these words to be said?

The Impact of Estrangement on My Mental Health

Reconciliation isn’t just about hearing an apology. It’s about the changes in my own life. Over the years, I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and even suicidal thoughts. But since I’ve distanced myself from my family, those things have significantly improved. I’m in a much better place now. My self-esteem is stronger, and I’m living a life free from the toxic pressures that come with constantly being seen as the “problem” in the family.

The need for me to stay well and functional in my own life is so much stronger than the desire to return to a relationship that has caused me harm. I need to protect my mental health and maintain the progress I’ve made.

Could They Change Their Mind?

Perhaps my parents might change their perspective. Perhaps they might be willing to see things from my point of view. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. I’ve come to accept that this is the way things are, and I no longer expect any dramatic change. While I can’t predict the future, I know that I can’t keep waiting for something that may never come.

As always,

much love,

Chess

xx