Low Contact vs No Contact: Why I Chose Full Estrangement

Low contact might seem like a manageable solution—keeping in touch occasionally, maybe sending birthday cards, or checking in during holidays. But for many, especially those with toxic or abusive family dynamics, it’s not that simple. In my case, no contact felt like the only choice.

Why Low Contact Wasn’t an Option for Me

One of the main reasons I chose no contact instead of low contact is because my family didn’t want low contact. They made it clear over time that they expected more. This isn't about my current work or YouTube videos; the issues predate all of that.

A few years ago, after 18 months of no contact, I sent a Christmas card to my family, hoping it would be a step toward some kind of reconciliation. But the response I received was not what I expected. My mother acknowledged the card, but it wasn’t until Easter, months later, and it felt like an obligation, not a genuine connection. Instead of acknowledging the effort it took for me to reach out, she simply stated that they needed more regular contact from me, even requesting weekly Zoom calls.

This interaction made it clear that low contact wasn’t going to be enough. My family didn’t want to meet me halfway; they wanted control and were unable to accept boundaries. For me, that’s where the dynamic broke down.

The Narcissistic Family Dynamic

My family’s behavior aligns with many patterns seen in narcissistic families. In these families, there’s no room for compromise or mutual respect. You’re either in or out, and if you’re not playing the role they want you to play, you’re out. This was my experience—if I didn’t conform to their expectations, I didn’t belong. Low contact doesn’t work when the other side isn’t willing to let you define the relationship.

The Lingering Effects of Living in a Toxic Family

Another reason for my no contact decision stems from the emotional scars left by a toxic family dynamic. I’ve spent years questioning myself, doubting my decisions, and feeling constantly emotionally unbalanced. Distance has allowed me to heal and grow mentally and emotionally, but it’s hard to move forward when family relationships pull you back into old patterns.

Toxic families leave deep emotional and psychological scars

Healing requires a new way of thinking, and it’s impossible to make that shift while constantly being dragged into a dynamic that reinforces fear, guilt, and self-doubt. I need to live in a way that aligns with my growth, and unfortunately, my family isn’t part of that vision.

The Choice for Self-Preservation

Estrangement and no contact aren’t about trying to hurt anyone. They’re about self-preservation—creating emotional space to heal and grow. For me, staying in contact with family that doesn’t support my growth would mean sacrificing my mental health. It’s a choice I didn’t want to make, but ultimately, it was the only choice that allowed me to move forward.

I know many people resonate with this experience. Estrangement isn’t about being cruel; it’s about setting boundaries to protect yourself and your well-being.

As always,

much love

Chess

xxxx