7 reasons to not take on a power of attorney for a difficult parent

Being a power of attorney is a common role we often will take on for an aging parent. However, when we come from unhealthy, dysfunctional, abusive families, this role is something we shouldn't take on lightly.

If you are considering taking this on but are unsure whether it is the right decision, these following seven points may help you gain clarity on how to navigate this choice.

1. Feeling like you can't refuse: Taking on power of attorney can be emotionally taxing, especially if you feel unable to say no to the responsibilities it entails. Your own mental, physical, and emotional health should be your top priority. If you feel you struggle with your own self-care normally, or the person whom you would be responsible is not accommodating of your needs, you could end up in a situation where you are sacrificing too much for them.

2. History of Abuse: If you have been abused by the person for whom you're considering taking on power of attorney, it's crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Being tied into a legal relationship with them could potentially exacerbate or prolong the abusive dynamic.

3. Mental and Emotional Difficulty: Power of attorney responsibilities can be mentally, physically, and emotionally challenging, especially if you're dealing with a difficult or contentious situation. It's important to recognize your own limitations and not take on more than you can handle.

4. Lack of Objectivity: If you find it difficult to separate the person's needs from your past experiences or emotional state, you may not be able to make impartial decisions in their best interest. Objectivity is essential when fulfilling the duties of power of attorney.

5. Conflict with Joint Power of Attorney: If the person who shares power of attorney with you is difficult to work with or has conflicting interests, it can create tension and hinder effective decision-making. Collaboration and cooperation are key components of successful power of attorney arrangements.
   

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2. Lack of Consent: It's important to be asked whether you're willing to take on the responsibilities of power of attorney rather than being expected to do so. Feeling coerced or obligated can lead to resentment and strained relationships. Whether this feeling comes from the person who you would be power of attorney for, a different family member, or even societal expectations, be aware that you always have a choice here. Choosing to say no, or changing your mind after you have agreed is always an option.

3. Concerns about the Person's Behavior: If the individual has mental illness, addiction, or other behaviors that may compromise their ability to understand or accept your decisions, it could create additional challenges and conflicts. Protecting yourself from potential blame or backlash is essential.

In light of these reasons, it's important to consider alternatives and workarounds:

• Professional Assistance: Suggesting the involvement of a professional or independent party can help ensure that the individual's needs are met while alleviating some of the burden on you.

• Joint Power of Attorney with a Professional: Opting for a joint power of attorney arrangement that includes a professional or impartial third party can help balance interests and ensure fair decision-making.

• Clear Agreements and Communication: Establishing clear agreements upfront, including the option to revoke power of attorney if necessary, can help manage expectations and mitigate potential conflicts. Honest communication about potential challenges is key to maintaining a healthy relationship and fulfilling the duties of power of attorney effectively.

Wishing you well with whatever you are navigating.

Much love,

Chess

xx